So…on my journey to becoming a more open person, I had this idea to do somewhat of a “Get to Know Me” post. Plus, a mid-year reflection. Cuz it’s already June 2021! Doesn’t that just blow your mind?!?!

At the start of 2021, I made a commitment to myself to write and post on this blog each week this year. I mean, I hope to keep doing this but we’ll see how well I can commit to this year first. I hope I remember to do this in the future. It’d be nice to do a mid-year and end of the year reflection to see if I accomplished the goals I sought out to do. Okay, well what I daydream about while sitting at my computer for hours. Yeah, I have poor commitment and discipline. But I’m working on that.

For my own entertainment purposes. I decided to write this post interview-style. Because who doesn’t love blabbering on about themselves, right? That’s why I decided to do blogging. It’s kinda like the ultimate narcissist’s and introvert’s perfect career (joking, but not joking).

*Warning: The following content may sound insane to most people. I’m basically having a conversation with myself. And interviewing…myself… Enjoy though!

Interviewer: Welcome to the hot seat! 2021 has been a wild ride, hasn’t it? Hope you’ve been holding up, okay?

Me: It’s great to be here today! There have been struggles and lots of crying and existential crises. But there have been lots of laughs, cheers, and great memories too. Despite being a constant whirlwind of emotions, I have been holding up okay.

Interviewer: Good to hear that. And we’re so excited to begin this 2021 mid-year reflection. I’m sure you have a lot of great content to share with everyone today.

Me: Ha ha, I hope so.

Interviewer: Let’s begin with the first question. We’ll start with an easy one. What has been your favorite book(s) that you’ve read so far this year and why?

Me: …This? This is your easy question?! Geez…lemme see. You know I fall in love with basically like every book I read. And I have to pick something I read this year, right?

Interviewer: Yup! If I gave you the option talk about all your favorites, this will turn into a crappier, low-budget version of Goodreads.

Me: Okay, okay. You made your point. I probably have bragged about these books enough in their book reviews – by the way, check out the book reviews for these if you haven’t already – but the books that I found to be just transformative for me that I read were The Geography of Lost Things by Jessica Brody and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Why these meant so much to me was because one, they were unexpectedly amazing. Like, I picked up these books on a whim just to check out if it was a decent read and all, and they blew my mind with how much they moved me.

Okay, something you need to know about me is that I believe we receive certain messages during a specific, fated time in our lives when we need it most. And these two books, never in a million years did I think I’d be picking these up, you know? Jessica Brody and Elizabeth Gilbert aren’t in my go-to genres to read. But I did read these. So reason number two was my immense gratitude that as I read these particular books. There were comforting messages within these books that I needed to hear at a time in my life where I was just sulking constantly with this heavy, dark cloud hanging above me because I was so lost in what I wanted to do in my life.

And these books brought me to tears. It’s bringing back the tears as I remember how they encouraged me to give my all to my interests, hobbies, and passions. To pursue them shamelessly. To devote time to my craft, even if it’s not perfect. To stop worrying and have faith that things will be okay. Because when I dove into writing or music or art with my whole heart, without thinking, with just pure feeling, there’s a buzzing energy that radiates from me. I find myself automatically smiling when for so long I’ve been crying and hating myself because I was lost. But I’m not lost when I create. I get transported through this mental portal towards a beautiful vision that makes my heart swell with joy.

The Geography of Lost Things taught me that lost things can always be found. And feeling lost, feeling a lack of direction – which is a gut-punching feeling when all my life I’ve known where I wanted to be and was full of ambition – having my fire dimmed to the point that it’s just wisps of smoke fogging my mind rather than me moving forward in life with this intense, passionate energy, it sucked. As I read The Geography of Lost Things, it made me realize that I find myself when I’m writing. I’m not lost when I’m writing. No, you know what? It’s not the writing itself that makes me feel found. It’s the ability to express my deep emotions in a poetic way that makes me feel found. And Big Magic contributed further to this feeling. I mean, it was the greatest relief to hear someone else talking about the magic associated with creativity. To be aware of this magic. Cuz, hell, I wasn’t aware of this magic until Elizabeth Gilbert was talking about it. And it just…clicked within me. This magic…people don’t believe it exists, but when you’re creating something, it feels magical. Heavenly. Like I’m at home and at peace with myself. Ha! I wish I could describe it better. It feels amazing to create.

I am so grateful these books entered into my life, along with all the other books and content. But yeah, these gave me hope when each day I had grown more bitter, sad, frustrated, and skeptical that I’d ever recapture the hope, passion, and ambition I once had.

Interviewer: Wow. That was quite an answer.

Me: I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on a tangent when that was only the first question and that answer probably took up like half our time already.

Interviewer: Oh, don’t apologize! When you care about something. It shows. Your answer certainly showed how much you cared about those books. And that passion in speech, it’s enjoyable and inspiring to hear. So, let’s move forward with the next question. You might have touched upon this a little in your previous answer.  What was the most important lesson you learned in the first half of this year?

Me: You’re just asking for long ass replies from me, aren’t you? Wow…where do I even begin with this answer…

Interviewer: You can only pick one. For time’s sake. And to challenge you more! I’m sure you’ve had a lot of important lessons you’ve learned.

Me: Yeah, limiting me to one answer is probably the best idea. Okay, one important lesson I’d like to talk about for now.

For me, the phrase “have faith” keeps popping into my head. Like constantly entering my thoughts. Have faith that things will turn out okay. With the past year and a half experiencing the COVID pandemic and quarantining. Have faith that when I spend money, I’m not losing money because more will come in. And I hoard money like a squirrel hoards food to hibernate for the winter. Have faith that even when I’m in a creative slump, not to give up because I’ll get another idea. Ideas never cease coming.

And as an extension, having faith to me means relinquishing control. And I love control. Control makes me feel safe and secure. So I really had to learn to not control everything. Because I can’t control the fact that the world was hit with a pandemic. I can’t always control when I need to spend money or make money because you gotta pay bills, or emergencies come up, and opportunities for making money are abundant and money comes when you least expect it sometimes. And I can’t control what ideas I get next. That’s part of the beauty and frustration of creating. You never know what’s going to inspire you. And you can’t always force inspiration.

Interviewer: Going with the flow. That’s a great lesson. It must help to relieve a lot of stress too, huh? Remembering that not everything is in your control so sometimes you have to be adaptable to handle unforeseen situations, whether good or bad, coming your way.

Me: Yeah, exactly. You know, I’ve always wanted to be clairvoyant, but what is life if I knew everything that was coming my way? Predictability creates stagnancy. And trying to control everything in my life feels crappy and doesn’t help my anxiety at all.

Interviewer: I hear that! Okay, final “serious” question and then we’ll enter into our fun, rapid-fire question round. What do you hope to accomplish the rest of the year?

Me: To re-enter into civilization, trim my hair, wear something other than pajamas all day, and probably walk myself. Yeah, not much movement during quarantine. Lots of couch potato-ing – I’m an expert at this, probably like the rest of the world over the past year. Oh and dogs. Dogs are masters as couch-potato-ing.

Ha ha, well, my serious, serious answer would be…I’d like to write more songs. And poetry. Oh, yeah, poetry! I want to win a poetry contest. I want to keep up the goal I set for myself this year where I commit to posting on my blog once a week at a certain day and time. Cross my fingers! So far, I’ve succeeded at this commitment.

I also want to motivate myself to read again. I’ve been feeling very down the past few months and it’s strongly affected my reading frequency. Whenever I’ve picked up a book lately, my head and heart aren’t in it. I’m trying to figure out why I’m so distracted lately. So I hope to be reading again more consistently the next weeks.

Interviewer: Hope you eventually get a chance to produce and publish your songs. I’d love to hear them! And good luck with the poetry contest, too! I’m rooting for you! And yeah, you gotta get back into reading. Isn’t that what this whole blog is about? So, let start our rapid-fire questions round. There will be five questions and you need to answer quickly! No essays!

Me: Okay, got it! Let’s go!

Interviewer: First question. Would you rather wear wet socks for a day or walk barefoot for a week?

Me: Walk around barefoot for a week. Ew, gross, wet socks for a day. No thanks! I can’t stand it for more than five seconds! Walk barefoot I wouldn’t mind. Especially cuz I stay at home anyway, ha!

Interviewer: Would you rather marry your crush or find a way to stop world hunger?

Me: Stop world hunger. I’d rather not marry my crush. They’re called a crush for a reason. They’ll just crush your heart later. Also, people and animals gotta eat.

Interviewer: What is the most comfortable piece of clothing you own?

Me: My cable knit sweaters. I love sweaters. “Best time to wear a striped sweater. Is all the time!” You’re welcome Spongebob fans. And if you don’t know this reference. Get your butt to a computer right now and look this up.

Interviewer: Name one some strange belief that you have. Well, whatever you think is strange to people.

Me: I have an endless source of “strange” beliefs that all are perfectly normal to me. I guess they might be strange to most people. Hmmm…okay, I’ve got one that maybe is strange. I believe that whenever you sneeze someone is talking badly about you.

Interviewer: Oh, that’s an interesting one! So when you sneeze like seventeen times in a row, that means multiple people are talking shit about you?

Me: Yeah, pretty much. Or you’re just a shitty person so I mean expect it. And you probably know who’s talking about you anyway.

Interviewer: That’s the truest statement ever spoken, isn’t it? Okay, final question. This is the big one. Do you know which Harry Potter house you belong to? If so, which one?

Me: I don’t prefer the Harry Potter series, but I am super interested in the characteristics of the houses. And I’m proud to say that I got House Slytherin!

Interviewer: Wow! Unfortunately, we’re not in the same house because I’m a Ravenclaw.

Me: I like Ravenclaws, ha ha. I think that’s where I would land if I weren’t in Slytherin.

Interviewer: Yeah! Thank you so much for this mid-year reflection. We’ll see you again at the end of the year. Until next time! Read some books, think about your own life, and hope you enjoyed this conversation. Be well, everyone!