DECEMBER 25, 2023: BLOG #78

2023 End of Year Reflection

Disclaimer: The information you are about to read is based off of my own opinions. Not intended to be taken as professional advice. Not a sponsored post. Just for fun to read and to maybe open up your mind to something new. Enjoy and thanks for taking the time to read my post!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!!

Can you believe the end of 2023 is already here?!? How wild! It blows my mind how fast days, weeks, months and years fly by.

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything. Due to burnout, I stepped away from the blog for a moment with all intention to come back after a month’s break. Yikes! It’s been about a year and a half now since my last post.

I feel awful that I haven’t recently given time and attention to the blog; a project I put my heart, soul, time and effort into, only to kind of abandon it.

In the spirit of keeping this blog like a virtual journal for me, I’m going to note the highs and lows in my life in this end of the year reflection post. As well as future goals for the upcoming 2024 year!

We’ll start with the lows and end with a high note.

THE LOWS - WHAT I’VE STRUGGLED WITH

Struggling to read books.

My greatest challenge for over a year. And it truly breaks my heart. Not only did I struggle to get excited to read anything, I felt no desire to pick up any book to read. As an extension, my book blog suffered from it because I couldn’t find any book that I wanted to comment about. Hence, the long hiatus.

Staying motivated working on creative endeavors and while dealing with isolation, family deaths and unemployment.

RECOGNITION

I desperately wanted recognition (and really fame) for my creative work. I was losing patience and motivation when creating because I felt no one saw my work. That no one saw me.

And whose fault was it? All my own.

I refused to put out crappy work, afraid of judgment. Hello me?!? Can’t get recognition when no one sees your work?!? I superficially yearned for quick fame. My mind was focused solely on the vision of fans loving my work (future thinking) rather than developing my skills (present thinking). The more I yearned, the more disappointed I got. It was hard for me to accept that I wasn’t at the stage to have fans yet. And to understand I had to be patient. Fans will come eventually.

To top it off, I fell into the common trap of comparing myself to other well-known creatives: artists, musicians, writers, actors, etc., forgetting that it took them a lot of hard work for an unknown amount of years before they reached fame and international levels.

ISOLATION

Since the COVID-19 pandemic/quarantine started, I’ve stayed at home. In the beginning of the quarantine, it was a dream come true for an extreme introvert such as myself to have an excuse to stay at home all day. To not deal with people or the world. To relish in the coziness of my safe place. However, four years later, I’m itching to go outside now and socialize again. 

That’s where I hit a problem. 

While I was stagnant and happy in my quarantine, the world moved on without me. I stopped trying to stay connected with my friends. Unshockingly, one by one, they gradually stopped staying in touch with me. I felt isolated. Then I grew anxious about facing the outside world once more. I believed I couldn’t socialize with others anymore because I had no idea what was happening in the world. I didn’t know what relevant thing to talk about with others. And I didn’t want to act like an ignorant, out-of-the-loop fool in front of friends and strangers. I became socially anxious and stopped trying to make friends. Really to talk to anyone.

FAMILY DEATHS

To add on, as if a cruel reality check from fate, each year since 2019, another member of my family passed away. It was difficult to have to face another funeral each year. Difficult to lose another person. Inevitably, I had an existential crisis about my own death – thinking that I might be the next in line to pass. This deep fear strongly stifled my willingness to take action, take risks, to grow. I saw everything as futile.

QUIT MY JOB

I’ll note this here but also in the highs section of 2023 because it was a bittersweet experience. With no job, rising inflation and living costs and nothing but the small nest egg of savings I’ve meticulously collected from ten years of work, unemployment is as hard as employment.

Then why the hell did you quit your job???

I knew where I was in my career wasn’t where I wanted to be. My job no longer suited my values. I spent every day feeling angry, miserable, tired, hateful, you name it, I’ve felt it. Which was what led me to making the tough decision to follow a more risky and unconventional route. It was scary, yes. Still is. But my soul and my mind were yearning to have peace. And, in all honesty, I’ve been able to breathe better once I let go of my current job.

Right now, I’m taking it day by day. I’m living off my savings to support my family and take care of my baby (AKA my – expensive – dog). Having no income puts a huge strain on me. And I blame myself quite frequently for making the decision to quit my stable job. Doubted that it was the best decision for me, despite knowing deep down it was. I still beat myself up for taking a leap of faith and leaving a situation that was no longer suitable for me.

Though not all is awful. Some of the greatest things came from quitting my job. Read on the next section for the highlights.

All in all, for several years now, it’s been a tough mental battle for me. A vicious cycle of back and forth in my inner dialogue. A battle of doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, judgment, etc. The best way I’ve found to combat this was to try to spend the majority of my time and life doing things I care about, not solely things out of obligation. This is my biggest goal as I mature through life.

With that said, I’m going to practice gratitude by reflecting on the highs of 2023!

THE HIGHS - WHAT I’VE ACCOMPLISHED

NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) and completing first drafts of books.

This is my greatest and proudest accomplishment this year!!! AHHH SO EXCITED!! I have completed the first drafts of manuscripts for several series in the span of about a year.

  • Three drafts of Series #1
  • Three drafts of Series #2
  • One draft of a standalone novel (connected to another series)

Total draft count this year: 7

Super, super happy with this! Phew! It was difficult. I wanted to quit several times when I got stuck with the plot. But I had such a fun time writing the stories and bringing the characters – more specifically, their love stories – to life.

And (not sponsored to say this or anything) I couldn’t have accomplished all of this without the help of the NANOWRIMO organization. Their word count tracker and writing challenges were an invaluable resource to helping me achieve these goals.

I have developed a writing routine that worked for me. Including establishing word count goals (writing at about 1500 to 2000 daily words average), draft project length goals (two weeks to a month each) and figuring out which part of the day I worked best (variable – some projects I write better in the morning, some better in the afternoons). 

This year was also the first time I participated in their virtual community events. Love, love, love them! I loved listening to and meeting other writers. I hadn’t realized before how much being involved in a writing group, even a virtual one, kept me motivated in my own projects. I was always more of a lone wolf. It’s nice to have other writers who understand what you’re going through.

The positives of quitting a job that no longer suited me.

Like I mentioned previously, it has been bittersweet to quit my conventional job to pursue my passions and goals. Some would say I’m being an idealist. Head in the clouds. Impractical.

But it fit for me so I will always be grateful to first, myself for being courageous enough to take the leap and to the universe for continuously still providing for and supporting me in making my dreams a reality.

One of the best things about this whole experience so far was obviously how much time that suddenly freed up in my schedule when I’m not blocking a chunk of it for my employment. With no obligations or responsibilities to others, the amount of inner peace I found after I quit has been INSANE.

The first weeks following my decision, I was in a state of constant celebration and euphoria, as you can imagine. Free from adulting. Free from responsibilities. It was wonderful. Unbelievable. I never wanted that joyous feeling to end. 

Throughout the year, I’ve had my emotional ups and downs, doubts and regrets about my choice. But through it all, I’ve also learned to make peace with it and pour my focus into my writing goals.

It was rough at first. I wasn’t sure that I could make it as a (eventually paid) writer. Then I completed one draft of a manuscript. Then another. And another. And with each draft, my confidence also grew. Not because I’ve been paid yet for my writing or published anything. Just the simple fact that at the beginning of this year, I struggled with a lot of self-doubt and self-criticism towards my creative endeavors. And by the end of the year, I have seven – crappy but completed – drafts with characters, challenged in their worlds and relationships, that I’ve fallen in love with.

Each day, I felt more excited, more motivated to jump back into my projects. Each day, I gradually felt less tension in my shoulders. I wasn’t so quick to anger. I stopped seeing the world as such a bleak and horrible place. 

I began to find purpose again in life that I hadn’t felt for a long time.

Support from my dog and family.

And none of this would have been possible without the support of my dog and family. 

My dog, who has been my rock, my happiness, my motivator, my goofy, derpy entertainer. The one who makes me smile and keeps me in good spirits. 

My family, who has helped make my transition from employment to unemployment smoother, by supporting me to have a roof over my head, a warm bed, food on the table and encouragement.

I am extremely grateful to them and to have this opportunity to work on endeavors that lift my heart and soul. And I hope heart and soul will come across in the stories I will share to others.

Finally getting the collection of the Elric of Melnibone series!

I haven’t read the series yet but this was a series I’ve been excited about for the past year since Simon & Schuster published the compiled volumes of the Elric of Melnibone series into, what I believe, is the best way to present the story of our favorite albino Melnibone emperor and his cursed blade, trying to save his dying empire.

Why is any of this important? Well, I rewarded myself with the Elric books when I completed this year’s NANOWRIMO challenge. And I am beyond excited to read the series! 

Memorable new TV shows that brought me to tears (from happiness).

Some honorable mentions for shows that have inspired me – and made me go through several tissue boxes. *AHEM* Highly recommend all these shows *AHEM*

  • Fellow Travelers: Two men have a romance spanning four decades during the dangerous time of America’s “Red Scare” and “Lavender Scare”.
  • Heaven Official’s Blessing: A relationship blossoms between a heavenly official’s, during his third ascension to the Heavenly Realm, and one of the most powerful and feared Ghost Kings. 
  • Housebroken: A comedy show about a poodle who believes she’s a therapist and holds group therapy with the other pets in the neighborhood.

GOALS FOR 2024

  • Personally edit one of the manuscript drafts from 2022 or 2023
  • Have one manuscript professionally edit
  • Write a query letter and submit manuscript to Harlequin Publishing House

THANK YOU FOR READING THE POST!

I’m grateful to all of you!

What have been your greatest achievements in 2023? Challenges? What do you look forward to doing in 2024?

Have a great, safe and fun holiday season. Wishing you the best for the new year! 2024 let’s rock and roll!

Hello! From the Writer of What Makes You Curious

Introvert (specifically INFJ). Slytherin. Lover of fantasy, romance, thriller and mystery books. I particularly love Harlequin books! When I'm not blogging about the latest books I've read, I'm writing stories, poetry, song lyrics, practicing spirituality, binge-watching YouTube videos and poorly singing Backstreet Boys and/or Kelly Clarkson songs at the top of my lungs. Click my photo to the left to learn more things about me that you didn't ask for me to share with you but I'm going to share with you anyway.

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