*Warning: some mild cursing

Miss me? I sure have missed me. I don’t mean that statement in a narcissistic way. Let me dive into it.

Back to the Start – April 2018: My Fears and Worries

I started this blog/website in April 2018 because I had a dream to inspire others through the content I released on my website. Hence why I named it “What Makes You Curious”. A motto I hold close to my heart and wanted others to remember as we all go through our life’s journey.

Over the past two-ish years of me having this website, there were lots of trials and errors and learning I had to do. It’s been a wonderful process overall, but I was scattered at the beginning. I envisioned a successful blog overflowing with inspirational things. But I had too many things I wanted to write about, to venture into. It was disorganized. And emotionally and mentally (as a self-admitted worry-wart), I didn’t feel I was in the best state to blog. Or produce anything, quite frankly. I was lost. Fear-ridden. And I gave up.

To the Present – 2020: A New Spark

Within these last two years, I strived to learn about myself, to become more focused, to consider what content I found meaningful to me – and hopefully to the rest of you. I’ll be honest, I started blogging for the wrong reasons – money. I wanted the blog to make me tons of money (as it did for so many others) so I can have enough financial stability to leave the typical workforce. I wanted to spend my days doing whatever the hell I pleased while not worrying about whether or not I had enough money to pay expenses (HA, don’t we all?).

Paralyzed with fear, anxiety, and perfectionism, I just fixated over the same minute details instead of putting actual work into nurturing my blog or any of my other creative projects. Or most of the time I flat out quit, feeling like my idea was underwhelming, insignificant, or stupid. Yeah, and how was worrying or quitting helpful in making me money?

Feeling apathetic about my projects, I spent endless hours in the day returning to my favorite YouTube channels and blogs, seeing their successes soar. But seeing that was probably the best thing to happen to me. I found renewed conviction. As I followed their humble beginnings, the first embers of inspiration and enthusiasm slowly began to smolder back inside of me. I rediscovered my joy for books. I felt excited to create characters, build worlds, tell a story, and (trying really hard) to write a novel, hell to write anything again.

The foggy cloud hovering above me was starting to dissipate.

Why I’m Telling You This

I’m not obligated to share anything, but I wanted to.

I found myself again recently, at least an important piece of me. And damn, I sure have missed this me. Though I understand, the dark, stressful, confusing, fearful times must be endured as it helps us shave off things that don’t work with us and make us realize what does work.

I’m more willing now to be more open and creative, thanks to a lesson from Zacharel’s experience from Gena Showalter’s Wicked Nights book (commentary on this book will come later). And I feel revitalized to put forth work into my website/blog and creative endeavors.

I’m not in this solely for the money anymore (though in the future, earning some extra money is always a nice perk too.) 🙂

I want to do this because I wanted to chronicle my personal journey, particularly my reading/book loving journey. I want to tackle and commit to this dream of being a writer – which shocker, requires writing! Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic book and Jessica Brody’s Conquering Writer’s Block course (available on Lynda.com) reminded me to keep writing. Even if you think it’s crap. Even if others think it’s crap. Even if nobody reads anything you write. Even if everyone rejects your work. Because you can only get better and chase after your dreams by working on it every day.

“I’ve got you!” – Sincerely, Universe

I’m a big believer of the universe working in our favor. Leading us towards things in the right moment. Hopefully, this message reaches those of you who need to hear it.

Remember you create (writing, painting, singing, dancing, gardening, building, drawing, etc.) for you. Not for anyone else. Really, trust me on this. If you stop creating for yourself then what the hell has all of your hard work been for if it causes you constant misery to do? I’m not saying stop because it’s hard. I’m saying keep creating because you know deep down inside you love it. Rise to the challenge. And fuck all the doubts and fears in your mind telling you’re not a creator. We are all creators in some way, not just in the arts. You create because it brings you joy. And through the joy you put into your creation, it will radiate that same joy for others as well. And through that joy, you will achieve your dreams and success.

*FYI, I haven’t completed the novel yet. But I’m committed to get it done. As well as taking better care of my blog.

Thanks for the support! Cheers to a great year and for several more to come!