Here’s a hypothetical conversation between a couple. This exchange includes themes of self-esteem, introversion, acceptance, humanity, and support. She tries to explain to him in her own colorful description how she feels a lack of connection to others. How many of you can relate to this? To feel like you aren’t fully understood, even by the people who you thought held a deep connection with you.

He presents a loving and supportive partner to her. He eases her mind by letting her know that despite her feelings of not belonging, he encourages her to showcase her natural personality and continuously attempts to understand her quirks.

Enjoy 🙂

Woman: Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong in this world? You retreat back into your own mind, lost in your colorful imagination, running around with such carefree joy, where you finally feel like you are accepted. Even if you think of the most messed up situations. You can. Because you mind doesn’t censor you. And you crave for the limitless thoughts to fill up the vast expanse of your mind. It fulfills you when you feel empty in the real world.

And that’s all you wanted, isn’t it? To agree with others. To feel understood. To express your emotions openly without the backlash of those who are more experienced than you, who hold more power than you, who are ready to share their opinions with you. They can do it. They can express themselves, so why can’t you? It’s because you feel you are your own defender, standing alone in the crowd. They are a part of the mass. They have an army that stands behind them, supporting their thoughts.

And yet with such an incredible imagination and depth of emotions, you are alone. In the end, all you feel you can do is just curl up in the comfort of your own mental reality and find security there. When the world won’t accept your ways. When you feel like the actor in the grand stage of what is perceived to be “reality”, you crave to break free from the restraint of the norms you must abide by.

But here is your escapism. In your mind. And fantastic this world is, you feel. Where you can express your feelings, you can contradict yourself without criticism, you can talk about the most horrific, unfathomable possibilities beyond even those that are depicted in film or news or books. Here, in this place of your own private security, you feel like you can finally be genuine. Release your raw emotion. Here in your mind, you find your purpose; when your search to find purpose and acceptance in a world where humans all collide in opinions and beliefs is fruitless.

Where mind and heart unify, you produce your greatest words. That is how you manage to write with such fervor.

You have long feared the darkness. Those monsters that haunt your waking moments. That persistent feeling of spiraling into insanity. But what the hell is wrong with the insane? What is wrong with being different? With venturing out into the scary unknown. Let your insanity shine through sometimes. It does your mind and body no good when you constantly try to clamp down on that voice. The insane serves as a balance to the sanity. The insane is not there to be shut up every moment. The insane allows you to explore the unknown, the feared, the possibilities.

And out of that perceived darkness comes the light, there comes the creativity. The border between insanity and sanity.

The ability to harness that insanity and produce something so beautiful it can put others to tears. It can rival God’s own natural creations. Out of darkness, comes a spark of hope. I don’t want to fear the darkness, anger, sins, death, or any other assumed negativity in this world. I want to embrace it. I want to be shrouded in these experiences and feelings so that I can come out of it a wiser person.

Similar to my desire to embrace the bad of the world, I want to invite the wounded human beings in the world into my life. Let them use me, destroy me, hurt me because the bad needs something good sometimes so they can start believing that a good even exists to begin with. They are the wounded souls, they need love too. And I want to be the one to love them. To give them the patience and attention that so many others refuse to, simply because they don’t want to invite that negativity into their lives. And to me, it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense to just think about myself and not sacrifice everything I have for another person. I’m not doing it because I want anything in return. I’m doing it because someone has to man the hell up and be the good in a world that is quickly toppling into selfishness and self-preservation.

But see that? Nobody else understands this. At least, not anybody I’ve met yet. People just think I’m crazy, that I’m being melodramatic and spewing out irrational, idealistic wishes. Then they try to shut me up. Tell me to be a good girl, follow the crowd, keep my head down and be obedient. This humanity, this reality we live in is so messed up. It makes me wonder if humans just serve as entertainment for some unknown greater entity out there because humans just act so stupidly and who do we have but ourselves to laugh at. Humans are so ridiculous in their nature that it makes me more fascinated with and simultaneously irritated as hell at them.

But anyway, that’s my rant. Huh, I guess maybe I can articulate my thoughts better through writing rather than verbally. When I have that burst of energy to express myself, the words flow through me effortlessly.

I guess you’re the only one who is the closest to understanding me.

Man: You know I’m honored to have the opportunity to take a peek into your “crazy” mind, haha. I think what you’re saying is beautiful because it’s sincere. And I mean it. I like when you are able to share these thoughts with me. It shows me that you are comfortable with me and that you feel safe to express your vulnerabilities. And that makes me a really happy man to know you give me a chance to learn about you. Your rants are pretty interesting. Because you have a point.

Woman: Sorry you’re always in the line of fire when I have my rants. I don’t mean to always complain.

Man: I don’t see this or most of the things you say as complaints. Like you mentioned, sometimes you just need to talk things out loud. Even if it’s the same thing for months or years. Whatever helps you to clear your head and gets things out of your system. I’m not turned off by your ramblings. Like I said, they’re interesting. You make thoughtful points that I’m not sure ever cross another’s mind. And I’m glad to have these conversations with you.

Woman: Sometimes I just want to have a deep, thought-provoking, curiosity-driven conversation, you know? And it’s hard because not many people want to do that. They think it’s burdensome. They’re so energetically drained from quietly, obediently following the routine of life that they just want to passively consume entertainment to feel “joy”. Hence, why I feel so lonely. I know I can get them to be deep for a little bit, but my conversations with some don’t last very long.

Man: And you are a particularly curious being. You like learning about things. And you like getting lost in your own thoughts. And I love that about you. Amongst everything else that I love about you. You definitely aren’t boring. Your charisma, passion, imagination and excitement shine through in your words. And not everyone shares that bright spirit. Not every person is capable of the depth you have. But what you say has a ring of truth that brings comfort to others. That piques their human soul. Snaps them out of the trance brought by the rat race. As it does with me. And that’s a gift in itself.

Woman: People never really stick around to see that, nor do I ever reach a point in the relationship where I feel safe enough to share that side of me. I feel like an alien for entertaining those thoughts. Hell, people look at me like an alien some times for voicing those thoughts.

That’s why I sometimes just sit in nature and absorb its tranquility.

There’s a simplistic and honest beauty about nature. It allows for the horrible and the beautiful things to happen. It’s real. It doesn’t act differently with others, the way humans act differently with others. Ugh…I just crave authenticity, both the bad and the good. But to be honest, I’m also kind of scared to face the bad in the world. With nature, it’s not scary to me for some reason. But humans are. Humans are far scarier than anything nature can throw at me.

Man: Why are you more afraid of humans? Is that possibly why you have such a hard time trusting them as well?

Woman: Mhm…humans can be cruel. And sneaky. And manipulative. Humans take what’s good and beautiful sometimes and mess it up real bad. I just don’t trust people. And it hurts me so much, especially because I want to love and be loved so badly. At this point, I think it’s better to just be on my own.

Man: But you’re not alone. You are with me. And you can find comfort in me whenever something scares you and I’ll make sure to protect you. You won’t have to feel alone again.